TOP TEN indicators you have a Bad Mall Santa
- He takes a ten minute break every time mall security walks by.
- He’s snacking on baked beans and tuna fish on garlic bread.
- He gives out cigarettes instead of candy canes.
- His photography options include a centerfold spread with himself and the elves.
- He keeps telling you what he wants for Christmas.
- You haven’t smelled a pipe like that since college.
- This year, he’s wearing a red leotard, leather thong and earrings.
- He not only knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, but knows your first name, your address, home phone number, your credit card number…
- He asks all the mommies to sit in his lap.
- Ends each sentence with “praise Allah”
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