Tag: cat

That Poor Cat

December 19, 2018 / / 0 Comments
dinner

Uncle Ezra had a cat that had been on the farm for all his life. He was a great ‘mouser’, and would kill the rats that tried to get in Uncle Ezra’s feed corn.

   This one week, however, the cat was in no mood to chase the rats. He just laid around, licking his belly ever so often. He wouldn’t move, and he didn’t look well. Uncle Ezra got worried and called the vet.

   Uncle Ezra described what was happening, and the vet told him it sounded like simple constipation. The vet had rounds to make, but said if Ezra would give the cat a cup-and-a-half of Castor oil, he would stop by and check on the animal on his way home.

  That evening, the veterinarian stopped by Ezra’s. “How’s your calf doing?” he asked. “Calf?” asked Uncle Ezra. “It wasn’t a calf that was sick – it was my cat.”

   “You didn’t give the cat a cup-and-a-half of Castor oil, did you?” “Why, yes, I did,” said Uncle Ezra, “I thought that was what you wanted me to do.” “Oh, my! Where is the poor little creature?” the vet asked.

  Uncle Ezra said, “Well, last time I seen him, he was headed out across the back field with three other cats. One was digging holes, one was covering them up, and I believe the third was scouting for new territory.”

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What the Cat Hears

November 23, 2018 / / 0 Comments
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The Fire Engine

September 23, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Some firemen were sitting outside at the station house on the fire truck when they notice a little boy coming down the street. The boy is in a little red wagon with small wooden ladders hanging on the side. He is wearing a fireman’s hat and has two ropes tied to the wagon. The two ropes are tied to a dog and a cat, and the dog and the cat are struggling to pull the wagon.

As the boy approaches, the fireman says “Hey little boy. What’s your name?” The boy answers, “Joseph.” “Well, What are you doing, Joseph?” The little boy says “I’m going to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!”

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. “Well, Joseph, that sure is a nice fire truck!” “Thanks mister”, says the boy. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the ropes are tied to the dog’s collar, but the cat’s tail.

“Joseph”, says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, instead of his tail, I think you would go faster.”

Joseph says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren, would I?”

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A {blank} walks in to a Bar

September 18, 2018 / / 0 Comments

One-line jokes start with a simple introduction that does two things: first, it prepares you that you are going to hear a joke, and second, it sets the stage for the presentation. Many classic one-liners start with the same simple line: “knock-knoc…” “A traveling salesman…”, or the long-tenured, “A {****} walks into a bar.” Here are some one-line bar jokes you may or may not have heard:

  • A Horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
  • A bear walks in to a bar and says, “Bartender, I’ll have a beer and …”

“… a pack of peanuts.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

  • A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”
  • A man and a giraffe walk in to a bar. After having several drinks, the giraffe passes out, so the man decided to call it a night. As he walks out the door, the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lying in here.” The man responded, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.
  • A monkey walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The monkey hands the bartender a $100 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, this monkey doesn’t know the prices of drinks, and gives him a dollar in change. The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many monkeys in here.” The monkey replies, “Well, at $90 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
  • A dog walks in to a bar, but he only gets a mild concussion.
  • A termite walks in to a bar. He asks, “Is the bartender?”
  • A dog, a cat, a horse, a monkey and a bear and a giraffe walk in to a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”
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