Tag: young
News Item:
- by Piper Weiss | Shine.com
Courtney Stodden has us nostalgic for the innocence of Rebecca Black. Like Black, Stodden is a teenager with a really silly video that came out of nowhere and went totally viral. But Stodden’s video isn’t what made her famous this week. It’s her husband, Doug Hutchison, a 51-year-old actor who was in “Lost” and “The Green Mile.” Hutchison wed the 16-year-old last month in a quickie Vegas ceremony.
He posted their wedding photo on his website and it made their age difference even more terrifying. It looks like a prom photo outtake of a lecherous neighbor drooling over the chest of the high school popular girl next door. It’s the kind of photo that could get a man arrested, if he wasn’t so beloved by Stodden’s family.
That news item reminds me of the time one of the older deacons, Buddy, came to church with a spry, young girl on his arm. She was dressed in a shapely dress, and dripping with jewelry. She was probably in her late 20’s or early 30’s, very cute, friendly, and energetic. Buddy had been a widower for quite some time, so it was a shock to the other deacons to see him escorting such a pretty — and young — lady.
Filled with curiosity, the other deacons pulled Buddy aside and asked him, “Buddy, How’d you get that cute young thing to be your girlfriend?” Buddy replied, “Oh, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my new wife.”
“Your new wife?” they asked in astonishment. “How did you talk her in to marrying you?”
Candidly, Buddy replied, “I lied about my age.”
“You didn’t lie and tell her you were 50 did you?”
“Oh, no,” said Buddy, “I told her I was 70.”
A retired metropolitan doctor decided his small hometown could use the services of a seasoned medical provider, so he left retirement and hung out his shingle for the second time in his life. To drum up business, he took out an ad in the local paper announcing his return to the practice of medicine. The ad said, “Experienced Doctor opening medical clinic in town, is now accepting new patients. ‘I Can heal any condition for only $300. Results guaranteed or I will give you $1000 cash back.’”
Eventually, one of the younger doctors in town started losing business to the older man. He decided to take revenge on the older provider. He would pretend to be a patient, and fake an illness that the older doctor couldn’t possibly heal. Then he would collect his $1000 cash reward.
The younger doctor went in and said, “Doctor, I’ve got an illness that no other physician has been able to cure. I have lost all sense of taste in my mouth. It is so bad, I can’t enjoy food any more.”
The older doctor called out, “Nurse, bring out a medicine dropper of Formula #2 and put three drops on the patient’s tongue.”
As the nurse placed the drops on the young doctor’s tongue, he screamed out, “Are you trying to kill me? That tastes like kerosene!!!”
The older doctor said, “Congratulations! You’re cured, that’ll be $300.”
A week went by and the young doctor returned for a second round. “Doctor, I have memory problems. I can’t seem to remember anything.”
The older doctor asked, “How long has this been going on?”
“How long has what been going on?” replied the younger doctor, feeling mighty smug.
“I see,” said the elder.” Nurse, please bring out a medicine dropper of Formula #2 and put three drops on the patient’s tongue.”
“No way!”, said the younger doctor, “‘Formula #2’ tastes like kerosene.”
The older doctor said, “Congratulations! You’re cured, that’ll be $300.”
The younger doctor pouted for a week then decided to give the old man one final challenge. This time he would pretend to be blind. Donning dark glasses and a cane, he went to see the older physician. “Doctor, I’ve gone blind, I can’t see a thing anymore.” he said. After a series of inconclusive tests, the young man said, “Doc, just admit you can’t do anything for me and give me my thousand dollars.”
The older doctor says, “You’re right, I may have been a little ambitious in my claim. Here’s your thousand dollars,” He counted out loudly: “$100 – $200 – $300 – $400…” as he placed ten $10 bills in the patient’s hand.
“Hey, that’s not a thousand dollars,” objected the younger doctor, “that’s only a hundred. What are you trying to pull?” To which the elder replied, “Congratulations! You’re cured, that’ll be $300.”
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