Your hands can reveal a lot about you: a ring, or lack
of, indicates your marital status. Calluses reveal that you are a laborer.
Grease stains identify a mechanic. Manicured nails may indicate you work at an office
My Aunt Ruby ran out of bread for dinner, so she sent her husband out to get
a loaf at the country store. Knowing that he was bad to get distracted, she
warned him, “Now, don’t take this as an opportunity to hang out with the boys,
you go straight to the store and back. And don’t go flirtin’ with no women,
So Uncle Ezra headed out to the corner store to buy some
bread. But as he entered the store he saw Cleetus and Fae loafing at the snack
bar. Now Cleetus and Fae could usually entice Ezra into trouble, and this day
was no different. They invited Ezra over for a ‘yeller dope’ and started to
work their mischief.
“Hey, Ez,” Cleetus began. “You ‘member Sally from back in the
sixth grade?” “Yeah, she was a cheerleader, you recall,” added Fae. “Yeah, I
‘member her.. she’z nice.” Ezra said with a slight smile. “She’s in here,”
added Cleetus, and pointed to the row of canned goods. There stood Sally,
slender and blonde, much like she looked many years ago. “Go talk to her,” they
Fae pushed Ezra towards Sally. Ezra grinned, and walked up to
Sally. He shuffled on his feet, and started up a conversation. It turned out
that Sally had gone on to be a very successful fashion model, and had just
moved back into town. She invited Uncle Ezra back to her apartment for some
Once in her apartment, they talked and laughed and recalled the
old days. Sally showed Ezra her portfolio and told him all about her modeling
career; the places she had gotten to travel to, and famous people she had met.
They lost track of time, talking until early morning. Sally went to get the
coffee, but when she returned, Ezra had fallen asleep on her sofa. Sally
covered him with a blanket and went off to bed.
At five o’clock the next morning, Ezra rose with a start. “Oh my
goodness! Oh my goodness! I’ve been here all night!” he hollered. He woke Sally
and asked, “Do you have any baby powders?” She got him some and he rubbed it on
his hands. “I enjoyed the visit, Sally, and it was nice to see you again, but
I’ve got to go,” he said, “Ruby’s gonna be waitin’ up fer me, and she’s gonna
be mad, I know!” and he ran out the door.
At home, Uncle Ezra opened the front door slowly. Sure enough,
Ruby was waiting with a wooden rolling pin in her arms. “Where you been?” she
asked, “and YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN WITH NO WOMAN.” “Well honey,” he began, “I
went to get the bread and I run in to some of the boys down to the store, and
they bought me a ‘yeller dope’, and whilst I was drinkin’ it, old Sally from
grade school come up and commenced to talkin’ to me ’bout how she got a career
in modelin’, and she invited me back to her place for some coffee, and I went,
and we looked at her modelin’ pictures, and got to laughin’ and talkin’ and
all, and I fell asleep on her couch, and I woke up just a little while ago and
come straight home, and that’s the God-honest truth.”
“Let me see your hands,” demanded Ruby. Uncle Ezra showed her his hands,
covered with baby powders.
“Just as I thought,” Ruby said, “You been out bowling with Cleetus and Fae all night.”