bad – Beetle63's Treasury of Humor

TOP TEN indicators you have a Bad Mall Santa

He takes a ten minute break every time mall security walks by.
He’s snacking on baked beans and tuna fish on garlic bread.
He gives out cigarettes instead of candy canes.
His photography options include a centerfold spread with himself and the elves.
He keeps telling you what he wants for Christmas.
You haven’t smelled a pipe like that since college.
This year, he’s wearing a red leotard, leather thong and earrings.
He not only knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, but knows your first name, your address, home phone number, your credit card number…
He asks all the mommies to sit in his lap.
Ends each sentence with “praise Allah”

Here are the Top Ten Indicators You Need a New Best Friend

You write them a letter and address it, “Dear inmate,”
They say,”Let’s take your car,” and they don’t intend to give it back.
Their yearbook picture is the same as the one that hangs in the Post Office.
They wants you to change your name to “Papa Bear”and move to a remote part of Alaska with them.
They come over to your house to visit… your parents.
They call you and greet you with “How’s my best friend?” and when you reply, they say, “Oh, sorry, wrong number.”
They drive a hearse and work at a funeral home.
They drive a hearse and don’t work at a funeral home.
They ask you over for dinner and if you prefer roast skunk or fried kitty cat.
They suggest “Let’s go over to your house,” but when you step outside, they lock the door behind you.

Top Ten List – bad Santa