TOP TEN indicators you have a Bad Mall Santa

1. He takes a ten minute break every time mall security walks by.
2. He’s snacking on baked beans and tuna fish on garlic bread.
3. He gives out cigarettes instead of candy canes.
4. His photography options include a centerfold spread with himself and the elves.
5. He keeps telling you what he wants for Christmas.
6. You haven’t smelled a pipe like that since college.
7. This year, he’s wearing a red leotard, leather thong and earrings.
8. He not only knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, but knows your first name, your address, home phone number, your credit card number…
9. He asks all the mommies to sit in his lap.
10. Ends each sentence with “praise Allah”