Tag: wife

My Wife Went to the Dentist

My wife went to the dentist the other day. He told her, “You need a crown.”

She replied, “I know, right?”

Top Ten Lists – dog vs. wife

Ten reasons a dog is better than a wife

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs are Better Than Wives:

  1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
  2. Dogs like it when you rub their head.
  3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  4. A dog’s parents never come to visit.
  5. A barking dog will shut up once you let them in the house.
  6. You never have to wait on a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
  7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
  8. A dog will not wake you up in the middle of the night to ask, ‘If I died, would you get another dog?’
  9. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
    And last, but not least:
  10. If a dog leaves you, it won’t take half of your stuff with it.

For a definitive test of why a dog is better than a wife, try putting your dog and your wife in the car trunk for an hour and see which one seems happier to see you when you open the trunk.

Then there’s this sinister reason: If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

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My wife

Whenever I go with m wife to the mall, I always hold her hand. Thant’s because if I let go, she’ll buy something.

The other day, she was in a store and the woman in front of her started to write a check. The clerk told her, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we no longer accept checks. Too many women have written us checks but did not have the money in the bank to back it up. The woman said, oh I’ve got lots of money, see? I still have blank checks.”

My wife and I approach shopping differently. I go directly to hardware, determine which of the three varieties of crescent wrench I want, and proceed to check-out. I might buy a pack of gum at the register.

Like a butterfly in a flower garden, my wife will flutter from display rack to display rack, sometimes revisiting the same one two or three times. She is attracted to bright colors and things that reflect light. Before she leaves, she will stop by the clearance isle, wall hangings, and the shoe department, even if she’s done shopping. On the way out, she’ll pick up Static Guard, breath mints, Diet Coke and a candy bar at the register.

I will pay $2.oo for a $1.oo item that I really need. She will pay $1.oo for a $2.oo item that she doesn’t need, but it is on sale.

They say if you have more than one of the same type of anything, you’re a collector. My wife collects shoes, candles, scented plug ins, furniture and wall hangings.

I don’t think she enjoys having things near as much as she does purchasing things. I found out that she will buy something and ride around with it in the back of her car for months, never taking it out of the bag. That way, when I find it and ask her “Is this new?” she can say, “Oh no, I’ve had that for several months.”

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