Tag: pet

That Poor Cat

dinner

Uncle Ezra had a cat that had been on the farm for all his life. He was a great ‘mouser’, and would kill the rats that tried to get in Uncle Ezra’s feed corn.

   This one week, however, the cat was in no mood to chase the rats. He just laid around, licking his belly ever so often. He wouldn’t move, and he didn’t look well. Uncle Ezra got worried and called the vet.

   Uncle Ezra described what was happening, and the vet told him it sounded like simple constipation. The vet had rounds to make, but said if Ezra would give the cat a cup-and-a-half of Castor oil, he would stop by and check on the animal on his way home.

  That evening, the veterinarian stopped by Ezra’s. “How’s your calf doing?” he asked. “Calf?” asked Uncle Ezra. “It wasn’t a calf that was sick – it was my cat.”

   “You didn’t give the cat a cup-and-a-half of Castor oil, did you?” “Why, yes, I did,” said Uncle Ezra, “I thought that was what you wanted me to do.” “Oh, my! Where is the poor little creature?” the vet asked.

  Uncle Ezra said, “Well, last time I seen him, he was headed out across the back field with three other cats. One was digging holes, one was covering them up, and I believe the third was scouting for new territory.”

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Ode to a Hamster

When my daughter was very young, we bought her a hamster. She promised to take care of a hamster if we would buy her one. But anyone who has bought their child a hamster, knows how that goes.

Wilbur

   It became my job every day to ensure “Wilbur” had food and water. On Saturday, it was my job to rid the hamster cage of that hideous odor that was a result of the food and water. It was my daughter’s job to watch the hamster while I washed the cage. She would set Wilbur on the sofa next to her and pet him while she watched Saturday morning cartoons. When I would bring the cleaned cage in, I’d ask her, “Where’s Wilbur?” to which she would answer, “He’s right here beside… Where’d he go?” Then we’d spend the rest of the afternoon searching under beds and in closets for him.

   One day, I went to feed and water Wilbur, but he didn’t move. He had passed away in the night.

   I tried to think of the best way to break the news to my daughter. I went to her room, and sat beside her. “Honey, Wilbur died last night. He’s not with us any more,” I said.

“Well, where is he?” she asked.

“God took him to heaven to be with Him,” I said.

She thought about it for a minute and asked, “What does God want with a dead hamster?”

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I’m Sorry, Wilbur is Dead

When my daughter was young, she had a pet hamster. She named him Wilbur. She would set Wilbur beside her while she watched cartoons on TV and play with him during the commercials. That is, if he didn’t sneak off while she wasn’t paying attention to him.

Now, hamsters are not known for their longevity. One day Rachael brought Wilbur to me and said something was wrong with him. He was stiff, cold and not breathing. Honey, I’m afraid Wilbur is dead.”

“No, he isn’t!” she protested.

“I’m pretty sure he is.” I replied.

“No, we have to take him to the doctor, she cried.

So we took him to a veterinarian.

The vet broke the news to Rachael. “Rachael, Your father is correct. It was Wilbur’s time to go, and he is no longer with us.” Then he said to me, “That’ll be $10 for the visit.”

Amid Rachael’s sobbing and disbelief, I asked, “You’re absolutely sure he’s gone?”

“Well, just a minute,” he said, and brought in a calico tabby. The cat licked Wilbur from head to toe, then lowered her head and gave a soft, “meow.” The vet then brought in a Golden Retriever. The dog sniffed Wilbur, then lowered his head and gave a soft, “woof.” “That’s conclusive, said the vet. “He’s definitely dead,” and added, “that will be $250 for the visit.”

“Now wait a minute,” I said, “It was only a $10 visit a minute ago.”

“Well, yes,” said the vet. “That was before you requested a cat scan and the lab test.”

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