Justin Wilson, Cajun cook, storyteller and comedian. 1914-2004

[Note: I don’t know for sure, but I attribute this story to Justin Wilson.]

  Theodore ran a general store back in the swamp lands of Southern Louisiana. On this particular Summer day, he had invested $10 in a shiny new cuspidor. He was hoping it would keep the loafers from spitting their tobacco juice on the wooden floor.

Boudreaux is the first to walk in to Theodore’s store. “Hey, Theodore, what’s new ‘wit you today?”

“Nawthin’,” Theodore replies,”Ever’ day is de same ol’ ting.”

“Now, how come you say ‘at? Tings change. Well, Ah kin see ‘at now. Jus today yaw place has changed – why, yo got four doors now,” says Boudreaux.

“Wha duz yo mean, ‘four doorz’? he asks. “I don’ hav four dooz, I only gots da two dooz, da fron’ do’ and de back do’ .”

“No, yo got four doorz, Theo, and $10 says I kin prove it.” challenges Boudreaux.

Being unable to resist a wager, Theodore takes the bet. “Okay, den, prove it, Mon.”

“Okay,” Boudreaux begins. “Firs, yo ga da fron’ do’, and den, yo ga da back door — daz two dooz.”

“I already ‘node that,” said Theodore.

“Now, tell me, whaz yo name?” Boudreaux asks. “Well, yo knows my name,” replies Theodore. “Yeah, well sa’ yo name out lou’.”

“It’s Theodore,”

Boudreaux repeats his name,”The-o-DORE, now ‘at’s one mo’ do’ and ‘at makes three dooz.” Theodore says, “I’ll give you that, but there ain’t no fourth do’ .”

“Oh yes there is,” Boudreaux said, “I see ‘yo have a new cuspi-DOR, and that makes four doorz. So gi’me my ten dolla’ .”

Theodore pays him, but he’s upset because now he’s out $20 for the new cuspidor. About that time, Thibodaux walks in the door, and Theodore sees an opportunity… “Hey, Thibodaux, how you like the new place?” Theodore calls.

“What you mean new? ‘Tall looks th’ same to me,” replies Thibodaux.

“Oh, no! I got me four dooz now,” says Theodore.

Thibodaux looks around and says,”Where?”

Theodore says, “Well, fo’ ten dolla I’ll show you. I ga da fron’ do’ and I ga da back door — at’s two dooz.”

“I already ‘node that,” said Thibodaux.

“Now, what’s mah name?” Theodore asks. “Well, you knows “yo name,” says Thibodaux. “Yeah, well sa’ mah name, Thibodaux.”

“It’s Theodore,” Thibodaux says. Theodore repeats his name,”The-o-DORE, that’s one mo’ do’ . That makes three dooz.”

Thibodaux says, “I’ll give you that, but there ain’t no fourth do’ .”

“Oh yes there is,” Boudreaux said, “You see, I bought me one of them…

I bought one of them… ”

and Theodore was at a loss for words. “Ah, that damned ol’ spittoon done cost me thirty dolla already today!”