Tag: bar

Theodore’s Four Doors

Justin Wilson, Cajun cook, storyteller and comedian. 1914-2004

[Note: I don’t know for sure, but I attribute this story to Justin Wilson.]

  Theodore ran a general store back in the swamp lands of Southern Louisiana. On this particular Summer day, he had invested $10 in a shiny new cuspidor. He was hoping it would keep the loafers from spitting their tobacco juice on the wooden floor.

Boudreaux is the first to walk in to Theodore’s store. “Hey, Theodore, what’s new ‘wit you today?”

“Nawthin’,” Theodore replies,”Ever’ day is de same ol’ ting.”

“Now, how come you say ‘at? Tings change. Well, Ah kin see ‘at now. Jus today yaw place has changed – why, yo got four doors now,” says Boudreaux.

“Wha duz yo mean, ‘four doorz’? he asks. “I don’ hav four dooz, I only gots da two dooz, da fron’ do’ and de back do’ .”

“No, yo got four doorz, Theo, and $10 says I kin prove it.” challenges Boudreaux.

Being unable to resist a wager, Theodore takes the bet. “Okay, den, prove it, Mon.”

“Okay,” Boudreaux begins. “Firs, yo ga da fron’ do’, and den, yo ga da back door — daz two dooz.”

“I already ‘node that,” said Theodore.

“Now, tell me, whaz yo name?” Boudreaux asks. “Well, yo knows my name,” replies Theodore. “Yeah, well sa’ yo name out lou’.”

“It’s Theodore,”

Boudreaux repeats his name,”The-o-DORE, now ‘at’s one mo’ do’ and ‘at makes three dooz.” Theodore says, “I’ll give you that, but there ain’t no fourth do’ .”

“Oh yes there is,” Boudreaux said, “I see ‘yo have a new cuspi-DOR, and that makes four doorz. So gi’me my ten dolla’ .”

Theodore pays him, but he’s upset because now he’s out $20 for the new cuspidor. About that time, Thibodaux walks in the door, and Theodore sees an opportunity… “Hey, Thibodaux, how you like the new place?” Theodore calls.

“What you mean new? ‘Tall looks th’ same to me,” replies Thibodaux.

“Oh, no! I got me four dooz now,” says Theodore.

Thibodaux looks around and says,”Where?”

Theodore says, “Well, fo’ ten dolla I’ll show you. I ga da fron’ do’ and I ga da back door — at’s two dooz.”

“I already ‘node that,” said Thibodaux.

“Now, what’s mah name?” Theodore asks. “Well, you knows “yo name,” says Thibodaux. “Yeah, well sa’ mah name, Thibodaux.”

“It’s Theodore,” Thibodaux says. Theodore repeats his name,”The-o-DORE, that’s one mo’ do’ . That makes three dooz.”

Thibodaux says, “I’ll give you that, but there ain’t no fourth do’ .”

“Oh yes there is,” Boudreaux said, “You see, I bought me one of them…

I bought one of them… ”

and Theodore was at a loss for words. “Ah, that damned ol’ spittoon done cost me thirty dolla already today!”


A {blank} walks in to a Bar

One-line jokes start with a simple introduction that does two things: first, it prepares you that you are going to hear a joke, and second, it sets the stage for the presentation. Many classic one-liners start with the same simple line: “knock-knoc…” “A traveling salesman…”, or the long-tenured, “A {****} walks into a bar.” Here are some one-line bar jokes you may or may not have heard:

  • A Horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
  • A bear walks in to a bar and says, “Bartender, I’ll have a beer and …”

“… a pack of peanuts.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

  • A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”
  • A man and a giraffe walk in to a bar. After having several drinks, the giraffe passes out, so the man decided to call it a night. As he walks out the door, the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lying in here.” The man responded, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.
  • A monkey walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The monkey hands the bartender a $100 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, this monkey doesn’t know the prices of drinks, and gives him a dollar in change. The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many monkeys in here.” The monkey replies, “Well, at $90 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
  • A dog walks in to a bar, but he only gets a mild concussion.
  • A termite walks in to a bar. He asks, “Is the bartender?”
  • A dog, a cat, a horse, a monkey and a bear and a giraffe walk in to a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”