Tag: wedding

Churches, Weddings and Funerals

Justin was so cute, all the older women wanted to pinch his cheeks

Little Justin was the epitome of cuteness wrapped in the body of a four-year-old boy. The problem was, he was just too cute. It wasn’t so much the day-to-day living, as it was special functions. Like church.

Come Sunday morning, all the older ladies of the church would just carry on about Justin’s cuteness, and before he could get away from them, they would grab his cheek betwixt the index finger and the thumb, and give it a pinch. Sometimes they would add a little shaking motion, like a pit bull latched on to a chew toy. It left his cheeks rosy and numb. The pinching was especially bad at weddings. There are even more old women at weddings than there are at church on Sunday. As each one pinched his little cheeks, they’d say “You’re next!”

   Well, Justin finally discovered a way to get the old women to leave his cheeks alone. Whenever he’d go to a funeral, he’d seek out the older women. He’d run up to them, grab their cheeks, and pinch it with a solid twist, look them right in the eye, smile and say, “You’re next!”

The old ladies never bothered Justin after that.


An Age Difference

News Item:

  • by Piper Weiss | Shine.com
Doug Hutchison married Courtney Stodden (his third wife), in May of 2011 – he was 51, she was 16

Courtney Stodden has us nostalgic for the innocence of Rebecca Black. Like Black, Stodden is a teenager with a really silly video that came out of nowhere and went totally viral. But Stodden’s video isn’t what made her famous this week. It’s her husband, Doug Hutchison, a 51-year-old actor who was in “Lost” and “The Green Mile.” Hutchison wed the 16-year-old last month in a quickie Vegas ceremony.

   He posted their wedding photo on his website and it made their age difference even more terrifying. It looks like a prom photo outtake of a lecherous neighbor drooling over the chest of the high school popular girl next door. It’s the kind of photo that could get a man arrested, if he wasn’t so beloved by Stodden’s family.

   That news item reminds me of the time one of the older deacons, Buddy, came to church with a spry, young girl on his arm. She was dressed in a shapely dress, and dripping with jewelry. She was probably in her late 20’s or early 30’s, very cute, friendly, and energetic. Buddy had been a widower for quite some time, so it was a shock to the other deacons to see him escorting such a pretty — and young — lady.

   Filled with curiosity, the other deacons pulled Buddy aside and asked him, “Buddy, How’d you get that cute young thing to be your girlfriend?” Buddy replied, “Oh, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my new wife.”

“Your new wife?” they asked in astonishment. “How did you talk her in to marrying you?”

Candidly, Buddy replied, “I lied about my age.”

“You didn’t lie and tell her you were 50 did you?”

“Oh, no,” said Buddy, “I told her I was 70.”