Tag: hamburger

Notes Upon a Whopper

by Dick Rubinstein

I recently visited my local Burger King restaurant and received this register receipt with my purchase.

   I made a number of observations (resulting from my failure to bring any reading material into the establishment):

OBSERVATION A) They misspelled ‘Whopper.’

   Conjecture A1: No one has ever noticed the error.

   Conjecture A2: The printer manufacturer economized by reducing the number of columns of alphabetical print to six.

   Observation A2: The ‘X’ in ‘TAX’ is in the seventh column.

   Conjecture A3: The printer can’t print any letter in any column as an economy measure. There may be no ‘P’ available in column five, and no ‘R’ available in column seven. However, an ‘E’ is available in column six. This requires more investigation only achievable by more variety of orders, selected on the basis of spelling.

OBSERVATION B) Although they don’t charge for the exclusion of mayonnaise (NO M), or for providing a slice of onion (AD O) right now, the fact that they made a line for charges indicates clearly that they plan to do so some day.

OBSERVATION C) You can’t ‘AD Milk’ to your coffee. They had to write it in.

   Conjecture C1: Per Observation ‘B’ above, they do not plan to charge for milk in the coffee. or:

   Conjecture C2: No one in the software production uses milk in their coffee — they prefer to drink cream, sit all day at their desks, have cholesterol problems, and die young. or:

   Conjecture C3: The ‘AD Milk’ function was broken on the day I visited.

OBSERVATION D) Apparently, ‘AD’ is the opposite of ‘NO.’ They even talk that way amongst themselves and the customers. “Here’s your Whopper, ad onions, no mayo, Sir.” They really do.

OBSERVATION E) 3040 is a large number, and it’s printed in red.

   Conjecture E1: Per Conjectures A1 and A2, they economized by using numbers in these columns. The full line of text translates to ‘MANY THANKS.’

OBSERVATION F) Coffee is in a different category than hamburgers, as shown by the quantities appearing in different columns on the left side of the ticket.

   Conjecture F1: It may not be possible to order 100 Whoppers, because there is no room on the left side of the ticket to print a three-digit quantity.

   Conjecture F2: The columns shift right for multi-digit quantities. Ten coffees is the upper limit.

OBSERVATION G) I have no idea what ‘NV’ means.

I have finished eating my ‘WHOPER’ and have no interest in ordering any more food. Science will have to wait.

[Article by Dick Rubinstein taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol.27, No.423 © 1981]


The Ozzie Burger

When I traveled to Australia back in 2000, I was told that whatever I did, I had to try the traditional ‘Ozzie’ or ‘Aussie Burger.’ I had never heard of an Ozzie Burger’ but I was up for it. I had already tried several different foods while I was there; the traditional – fish & chips, and veal, and non-traditional – crocodile, emu, camel and kangaroo, but the one that impressed me the most was the Ozzie Burger.

I ordered my Ozzie Burger in the Victoria’s Cross area of Sydney. When my waitress took my order, she glanced around and asked, “Are you going to eat this by yourself?” What an odd question. “I thought I would, why?” I replied. “It’s pretty big,” she said and was off to the kitchen.

Australian “Ozzie” burger, stacked beef, cheese, tomato, greens, bacon, beets, pineapple and fried egg

It was one of the biggest sandwiches I have ever seen in my life. It had several layers of different food items on it. It towered a good four inches above the stack of chips (french fries) on the side. It reminded me of Dagwood’s sandwiches in the comic strip, Blondie. I could only eat about 3/4ths of it, but the memory will last a lifetime.

  The traditional Ozzie Burger is an over-the-top cheeseburger topped with unusual, but complimentary toppings: a fried egg, pickled beets, and pineapple rings for example. Don’t dismiss the beets – they are very good and taste a lot like cucumber pickles. Big cucumber pickles.


Here is a recipe for an Aussie Burger (makes 2):

  • fresh ground beef (use 16oz beef for 1/2 lb burgers, 12 oz beef for 1/3 lb burgers, or 8oz for 1/4 lb burgers)
  • 2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 tsp. dried chili peppers
  • 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
  • Kosher salt
  • freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 2 slices sweet Vadalia onion
  • 2 fresh pineapple rings
  • 2 slices aged sharp cheddar
  • 2 eggs, fried over-well
  • 4-6 slices bacon or 2 slices ham
  • 2 leaves of Bibb or Romaine lettuce
  • 6-8 Spinach leaves
  • 4 slices of pickled beet
  • 2 slices beefsteak tomato
  • 2 toasted hamburger buns

Set your outdoor grill or oven broiler for high heat. In a bowl, combine the beef, oil, chili, and garlic; season with salt and pepper and form into two patties.

Fry the bacon or ham until done, then set aside. In the bacon drippings, fry the onion and pineapple just until browned on each side. Next, cook the eggs until almost done, then sprinkle with water and cover, remove from heat. Grill the burgers for 5 minutes per side, or until cooked through. Toast the buns with a light coating of butter.

  To Assemble sandwiches: Set bottom of the bun on a plate, cover with mayonnaise and top with a burger. Add one fried egg, a slice of cheese, a slice of ham or slices of bacon, fried onions, one or two slices of beet, a slice of pineapple, a slice of tomato, and spinach and lettuce. Spread the top bun with sauce (ketchup), mustard, and relish as desired. It is a satisfying dining experience.

Fair dinkum!!