Tag: girls

Dating Application

Photo: Dimitri Vervitsiotis/Photodisc/Getty Images

Application to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, family lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

— SECTION 1 : GENERAL INFORMATION —

  • FULL NAME ___________________________________________________
  • NICKNAMES ___________________________________________________
  • “STREET” NAMES _________________________________________________
  • Explain why you have these nicknames _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  • AGE ______ DATE OF BIRTH _________________
  • Is your date of birth within 2 years of my daughter’s? ___Yes __ No
  • HEIGHT ______________
  • WEIGHT ______________
  • IQ _____________ GPA _____________
  • SOCIAL SECURITY # _________________
  • DRIVERS LICENSE # _____________________
  • SELECTIVE SERVICE #____________________
  • Boy Scout rank and highest badges earned ____________________________________________
  • HOME ADDRESS ___________________________
  • CITY/STATE ______________ ZIP ___________

Do you have 2 parents? ___ Yes ___ No
Is one male and the other female? ___ Yes ___ No
If Not, explain:__________________________________________

Are your parents married? ____ Yes ___ No
Number of years they have been married _______
If less than your age, explain ______________________________________________

Where do you live?

  • ___ with my parents
  • ___ in a dorm room
  • ___ with friends
  • ___ have my own place
  • ___ with my ex
  • ___ wherever, dude

— SECTION 2: LIFESTYLE —

Do you own or have access to:
   a van? ___ Yes ___ No
   a truck with oversized tires? ___ Yes ___ No
   a waterbed? ___ Yes ___ No

Do you have:
   a tattoo? ___ Yes ___ No
   an earring, nose ring or any other piercing? ___ Yes ___ No
   (pierced tongue, pierced nipples or an ear gauge?)

Do you:
   Use tobacco? ___ Yes ___ No
   Smoke weed? ___ Yes ___ No
   Drink alcohol? ___ Yes ___ No
   Huff? ___ Yes ___ No
   Take drugs? ___ Yes ___ No
   Have sex regularly? ___ Yes ___ No

NOTE: IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, YOU MAY DISCONTINUE YOUR APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES QUICKLY AND IMMEDIATELY.

— SECTION 3: ESSAY questions —

Describe in 50 words or less, what ‘LATE’ means to you. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Describe in 50 words or less, what ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ means to you.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Describe in 50 words or less, what ‘ABSTINENCE’ means to you.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

— SECTION 4: REFERENCES —

Church you attend ______________________________________________________

How often do you attend? ______________________________________________________

When would be the best time to meet your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

doctor? _____________

Youth minister?____________

teachers?_______________

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I’m Here to Pick Up Rachael

A true Story

My daughter is a very social girl and is always being invited to parties. This week, she’s invited to this girl’s birthday party, that girl’s Summer cookout, and another girl’s sleepover. The trouble is, we don’t find out about a Friday-night-to-Saturday-morning sleepover until after school late on the Friday of. Then it’s, “You didn’t get me a present to take to the party? Yes, I did, I told you two weeks ago that Vicky’s birthday was sometime this month, and she said she was going to invite me if she had a party…” Somehow, there is special coding in the previous sentence that translates to “I’d like to attend Vicky’s slumber party on the 15th starting at six o’clock Friday evening and ending around 9:00 Saturday morning.”

   Regardless, this was one of those days. Except it was a day party on a Sunday. We darted out of the church house as soon as the last note was sung, had to run to Wal Mart and purchase a present, wrap it with tape and tissue paper purchased at the Dollar Store, get Rachael to sign a Drug Store birthday card, and deliver our daughter with a wrapped present and card to the door of her friend’s house, hopefully before noon.

   We barely made it. We told Rachael we would pick her up 7:00 p.m. before the evening service at church.

   The weather turned off bad that evening. It got cold and dark, and started to rain. My wife pulled in the driveway and instructed me to go in and get our daughter. I dashed through the rain and rang the doorbell. The man of the house answered the door.

“Hello, can I help you?” he said.

I said, “I’m here to pick up Rachael.”

“Oh, okay” he said, and he looked a little disappointed. “She’s in the kitchen,” he told me.

“Rachael,” he called, “There’s a man here to pick you up.” Then to me, “She’ll be right out.”

So I stood there, exchanging pleasantries with the man; Where do you work? Have you lived here long? How many children do you have? That kind of chatter. Eventually, a nice-looking lady with long black hair came out of the kitchen and asked me, “Who are you, again and where are you taking me?”

I clarified, “I’m here to pick up Rachael.”

“Yes, I’m Rachel,” she said. And the man added, “my wife, Rachel.”

“I’m here for my daughter, Rachael.” They both looked confused.

“She’s supposed to be at a party at Anna’s?” I added.

“Oh, Anna lives next door!” they said with a huge sigh of relief. We all shared an embarrassing laugh. I apologized for the inconvenience I had done them, and bid them good night.

However, I thought I heard him say as he shut the door behind me, “So, is there something we need to talk about?”

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