Month: November 2018 (page 2 of 2)
When my son was about six or seven, I took him to his first baseball game, a Brevard Manatees exhibition game. Along about the sixth inning, we were getting fairly hungry and headed down to the concessions booths. We were about fourth or fifth in line when my son announced, “Hey dad, somebody dropped a dollar.”
Space Coast Stadium, Melbourne, Florida
I looked down, and between our feet was a dollar bill, folded twice. I told him, “Go ahead and pick it up.” So he bent down and picked up the bill.
“Dad, should I ask the man in front of us if he dropped it?” he asked. I admired his desire for honesty, but I explained to him a micro-lesson in human behavior: If you offer a person something of value, and ask, ‘Is this yours?’ an unscrupulous person will always say ‘yes’ and take your offering, even if it’s not honestly theirs. I told him a better way would be to wait and see what happens when the man pulls his money out to pay. If he notices he is missing money, he will start looking around for it. Then is a good time to offer the money you found to him.
We waited through several customers, and none seemed to be missing money, so after about five minutes or so, I told my son he could keep the dollar. We returned to our seats. We sat down and he unfolded the bill and said, “Dad, it’s not a dollar — it’s twenty dollars!” Then he quickly added, “I think I’m gonna like baseball.”
The up-and-coming generation has embraced today’s world of instant communications: cell phones, email, Twitter, and such.
This is one of my favorite true stories. It is about an Air Force Academy Cadet who callously decides that he can just fire off a quick email to the two highest ranking people (at the time) in the Air Force — our Chief of Staff, General John Jumper and our Service Secretary, Dr James Roche — and let them know he doesn’t agree with a personnel decision they have made.
Their response to his rebuke is classic. (Copied from a Snopes’ article entitled: “Space Cadet.”)
The letter
From: Walsh Robert C4C CS21
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 10:30 AM
To: Jumper John Gen AF/CC
Subject: Removal of Academy Leader
Chief of Staff of the U.S. Air Force,
General John P. Jumper,
Sir, I am a fourth Class Cadet at the United States Air Force
Academy. I do not agree with your idea for removal of all top officials at the
United States Air Force Academy. I do not believe it is necessary for all four
of them to be removed, and replaced. I especially have a problem with the
replacement of Col. Bob Eskeridge. The person who is supposed to replace Col.
Eskeridge, is not qualified for the position. Her only qualifications are that
she is a female, and an Academy Graduate. She has never been a group commander,
while Col. Eskeridge has been a group commander twice. Furthermore, this woman
has been working at the Academy during the same period as all these cases. She
has been in the position of the 34th Training Group, serving as the Deputy
Group Commander. By allowing her to take over Col. Eskeridge’s position, it
seems as though you are promoting her. Also, the person who will be filling the
job she is moving from, will be her superior, having also served as a group commander,
but because of the hierarchy at the Academy, she will instead be his superior.
I would like to see Col. Eskeridge retain his current position. I do not
believe he is a problem, in any way. He is a role model for all Cadets, as a
military officer. I have not heard a single complaint or bad word spoken about
Col. Eskeridge. Please reconsider your decision to remove Col. Eskeridge from
his position.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Very Respectfully,
Cadet Fourth Class Robert M. Walsh
Cadet Squadron 21 “Blackjacks”
United States Air Force Academy
The Secretary of the Air Force’s response
From: Roche James Dr SAF/OS
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 10:11 AM
To: Walsh Robert C4C CS21
Subject: Re: Removal of Academy Leaders
Bob, good to hear from you. Colonel Eskeridge is a highly regarded officer and I have no animus toward him. He will be reassigned without any adverse consequence. In fact, we are working to minimize the impact on his family. However, Gen Jumper and I want a new leadership team in place, and we will do so. Your comments about Colonel Gray are not only wrong, they don’t reflect particularly well on you. Assignment of leaders in military organizations is not a popularity contest. Rather, it reflects the vision of the senior leadership of the Service. I know Colonel Gray, Gen Jumper knows Colonel Gray, and you don’t. Now, say again all after who is and who is not qualified to make assignment decisions? While I admire your loyalty to Colonel Eskeridge, and I enjoy a challenge-up, or “briefing room rules” environment, one of us is responsible to the President, the Congress, and the American people for the Academy — and, it’s not you (at least not for a few years). Gen Jumper and I have made our decisions. We expect all concerned now to implement them cheerfully, as is the long-standing expectation for military professionals.
And, Bob, that includes you.
Respectfully,
JGR
Dr. James G. Roche
Secretary of The Air Force
The Air Force Chief of Staff’s response
From: Jumper John Gen AF/CC
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 12:33 PM
To: Walsh Robert C4C CS21
Subject: RE: Removal of Academy Leader
Cadet Walsh, I sincerely hope that this is a hoax of some type because I would hate to think a Cadet Fourth Class would presume to instruct me on Air Force leaders I have known and served with for longer than you have been alive. I strongly suggest you devote your energy toward being the best possible 3-degree that you can be, to be a part of the solution that the new leadership is being sent there to oversee, and to keep yourself and your attitude off my radar scope.
JJ.
Little Justin was the epitome of cuteness wrapped in the body of a four-year-old boy. The problem was, he was just too cute. It wasn’t so much the day-to-day living, as it was special functions. Like church.
Come Sunday morning, all the older ladies of the church would just carry on about Justin’s cuteness, and before he could get away from them, they would grab his cheek betwixt the index finger and the thumb, and give it a pinch. Sometimes they would add a little shaking motion, like a pit bull latched on to a chew toy. It left his cheeks rosy and numb. The pinching was especially bad at weddings. There are even more old women at weddings than there are at church on Sunday. As each one pinched his little cheeks, they’d say “You’re next!”
Well, Justin finally discovered a way to get the old women to leave his cheeks alone. Whenever he’d go to a funeral, he’d seek out the older women. He’d run up to them, grab their cheeks, and pinch it with a solid twist, look them right in the eye, smile and say, “You’re next!”
The old ladies never bothered Justin after that.
This is a story about a little-known Confederate Colonel who dominated the battlefield during the American Civil War every bit as well as his military protegé, Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson.
Just to refresh your memory, General “Stonewall” Jackson rose to prominence and earned his famous nickname at the First Battle of Bull Run back in 1861. As the Confederate lines began to crumble under heavy Union assault, Jackson’s brigade provided crucial reinforcements, and General Jackson stood in the midst of the battlefield, refusing to retreat. Brig. Gen. Barnard Elliott Bee, Jr., exhorted his own troops to re-form by shouting, “There is Jackson standing like a stone wall. Let us determine to die here, and we will conquer.”
The Confederate Colonel’s Aide-De-Camp came to him early one morning before sunrise. “Colonel, the scouting report says we’re outnumbered by the Yanks, two-to-one. Should we fall back to Virginia?”
“Heaven forbid!” Replied the Colonel, “Just bring me my red shirt, and we’ll send those Yankees back from whence they came.”
As the battle wore on, the Colonel stood proudly in the midst of his troops, barking orders and shouting encouragement. Bullets flew all around him, but he stood unfazed. The Union forces finally gave up and retired back into the woods for the evening.
The next morning, the Colonel’s Aide-De-Camp came again, and gave a report. “Sir, the Union forces reinforced their line last night. If we go into battle, we shall be outnumbered, sir, three-to-one! Should we fall back?”
“Never!” the Colonel replied. “Bring my red shirt, and we shall be victorious!”
The second day’s battle raged wilder than the first, with wave after wave of blue-suited soldiers attempting to drive back the Rebel defenders. The Colonel stood where all his troops could see him, prominent in his red shirt, unmoved from his position, despite the bullets that whizzed by his head. By sundown, the Union troops had made no gains and retreated once again into the woods.
The third morning, the Aide-De-Camp came and asked the Colonel, “Incredible victories, sir. May I ask the significance of the red shirt?”
“Certainly,” he replied. “If I am to stand and be an example for my troops, I want them to be able to spot me quickly amidst the chaos. The red shirt will draw their attention, their wonderment, and their dedication. Besides that, if I am shot, my men will not see the blood, and they will continue the fight.”
“Well, it seems to be working, sir.” said the Aide. “And we will need all the help we can get for today’s battle. It appears we’re outnumbered five-to-one, according to our scouts. Shall I bring you your red shirt?”
The Colonel replied, “Forget the red shirt, Today I’ll be wearing my brown trousers.”
The following is a letter is written from a farm kid going through boot camp at Parris Island Marine Corps Recruit Depot:
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope y’all are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother
Elmer the Marine Corps is easy and beats working for old man Minch by a country
mile. They really ought to join up quick ‘fore all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because they make you stay in bed till nearly 5:00 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleepin’ in late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you has to do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine your boots and buckles. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, hay to lay… practically nothing. Men gots to shave but it is not so bad, they’ve even got warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on the pork chops, fried taters, salt-cured ham, steak, sausage, gravy and biscuits and other regular breakfast foods, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by some city boys that live on coffee and doughnuts. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk far.
Speakin’ of walkin’; we go on “route marches” which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to toughen us up. That’s OK If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him any different. A “route march” is about as far as it is to our mailbox at home. The countryside is nice but awfully flat. We don’t climb hills or nothin’. Them city guys get sore feet and we all get to ride back in trucks. The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags us a lot. The Captain is like the county school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next part will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting! I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is purt-near as big as a chipmunk’s head – and it don’t move. And it ain’t shootin’ back at you like the Higgett boys do back home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ol’ bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that guy Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m 5’6″ and 130 pounds, and he’s 6’8″ and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers find out about this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail
© 2024 Beetle63's Treasury of Humor
Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑